Thursday, April 7, 2011

Always Hurts?...

On a day when trying to get out of bed today (thank goodness Shanae laid with me & we watched Tangled...again).     I can barely move, head is pounding, lists are getting longer and piles are growing bigger - but with a migraine hitting it's intended target and my back saying you can't lay down, stand or sit.. what other options are there?!

I need to Thank Christy for such a beautifully written article (everyone should read it!) and it allowed me to write what I have always wanted to express and hopefully provide others an insight into Chronic Pain.  I have had a lot of rough day's, and spent this morning making some Dr. appointment's, then I turned on my laptop and saw Christy's story - perfect timing / divine intervention / angels putting it in my path... whatever the reason, I am grateful!   Knowledge is Power, so I hope that I can help someone as Christy helped me... just because you can't see it, a simple pill doesn't fix it.. doesn't mean it doesn't exist!!

I know I am lucky to be here and that laying in bed with my dd is something some never get to do.  I am able to get up and walk (even with pain), I am grateful to be able to stand with my kids and make meals and sit and listen to them tell stories.   On really good days (and the drugs are kicking in) I can dance with them and play.   I know that I am lucky to have a place where we play, laugh and I can do the floors on another day.   I do try to find at least 3 positives a day so that my focus is somewhere else...I am human, I get dragged down lots.  I hurt lot's, however I have kids counting on me and usually am the only one here 24/7 so not alot of choices..just Do It!

I know that in order to take part in activities (I have been able to attend some scrap events - 2/year) that I will be "popping some pills" (all under Dr.'s instruction, etc.) so that I can sit, laugh, stand up, dance around and be able to laugh away with all my scrapping friends.  I am able and very willing to participate with my kid's functions, event's, getaways - well I pay in the long run, but I am too stubborn to miss it.

Now I have been working with Dr'.s (yes plural - 10+  different Dr's - SK & AB - chiropractor, specialists, acupressure, acupuncture, neurologists, therapists, muscle therapy, I have a BP machine (last months Dr. appt) as High Blood Pressure may be why I am tired, no energy and sore,  I am also going to try light therapy soon ... the list is endless.  I have & continue to be poked, prodded, x-ray's, scanned, i have "come down" off alot of different drugs (i am proud of that, but some days wish i had them!)...the only thing i have turned down is taking a 6 week body therapy/clinic in Saskatoon or Regina.  I do not have over a month to leave my kids, my place and stay in a hotel for 6 weeks, especially with their dad working overseas//not an option & since deep tissue scar damage was done by physio on my back before I/it was ready doesn't make me want to jump at the inconvenient opportunity! (my Dr's do understand this and support me)

I have heard several times and it probably will never stop - have you tried this?  you need to be more active?  you have to just keep moving?  you need these drugs  you need these herbs!  you need this Dr.. you need this... you need this... you need this...    WHAT I NEED:  is for everyone to understand that it is Chronic Pain, it exists, it is incredibly painful and it isn't something you can see, you can't feel it.. but I can,

I have Chronic Pain and I am lucky enough to have a very high pain tolerance.. medical problems with my back include:  Rheumatoid Arthritis, missing vertebrae, Spina Bifida Occulta, Scar tissue damage, deep tissue damage,..(i have too much to list..) as well, I now also suffer from Depression  (oooh another scary word.. right?..nope - not for me, I am just happy to be diagnosed and working towards a better me) and then have had severe Migraines (since my teens & mom took me everywhere to find solutions to them).. drugs and working on pressure points sometimes helps me.  Everyday I have a headache (which is like a bad headache to others) again, since I can tolerate a fair amount of pain I am able to get through most days.  When you see me with black eyes, wanting a cool dark place and sick to my stomach and reaching for the $100 tablets (yes that's the price of med's working for me) then watch out it's a really bad day for me!

I am continuously working with my Dr.'s, searching for new herbal medications as well as the narcotic prescriptions I use.   I research as well as invest in new ideas and perhaps an opportunity that could allow a little relief to my pain as well as not spending $400/month.   I take medication to try and sleep as the aches, movements etc are waaaaay too much and I wake up in tears all the time, rocking back & forth and wanting better med's!  Most day's, I break out in sweats from pain, and loss of breath is not just due to being unfit, overweight, etc.. it is pain!    I am sure I can predict weather changes better than a weather person with training as my body gives me painful signs.

Again, thank you Christy for putting your bravery out there for others to see, feel and perhaps learn.   I hope that my post will take people to Christy's story as well as have my friends & family understand my situation or even learn something that can help someone they know.

I am not going to stop pursuing options and I am proud of how far I have come and I am the best I can Be and I am Proud to be Me!   I will keep trying to attract the positive in my life and keep counting my blessings                      Thank you for reading this.

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